


Sophie The Model

by snailjamsge



Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Bad Fic, Cars, Cupcakes, F/F, F/M, Joke Fic, Model, Modelling, Poorly written, agatha is a landlord, finger glows used as cellphones, no i do not know how i'm coming up with this, rhian uses photoshop, sophie lives in a hotel, tedros likes rings, the ring scene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24083605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snailjamsge/pseuds/snailjamsge
Summary: This is a poorly written SGE fic, on purpose. Yes there are spelling errors. Yes the syntax is weird. You should have no expectations going into this fic — I wrote it purely for fun as one of those “joke fics.” Enjoy (and be warned).
Relationships: Agatha/Tedros, Sophie/Hort, anadil/cupcakes, rhian/photography, sophie/rhian, tedros/rings
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	1. Sophie goes to model!

Once upon a time Sophie wanted to be a princess. But Agatha got to be a princess and completely ruined Sophie’s dreams right in front of her! Now all SHES left with is Hort, who she deffo does not want to date.

While Agatha gets to parade around with Tedros, aka the blonde boy, Sophie is stuck with Hort. 

One day Hort woke sophie up (haha reference to that moment in book 1 when Stefan woke sophie up) in the middle of her beauty rest. 

“Sophie!!!” Hort exclaimed ecstatically. He waved around a poster with her face on it. “Look!! You’re becoming the new model for the Flowerground Perfume Company.”

Sophie got out of bed with her perfectly made hair and polished pink nails. 

“Flowerground? But they hate me??” Sophie pouted, thinking of when the Flowerground almost banned her because she insisted on giving the flowers spring make-overs.

Hort flinched. He didn’t like remembering those dark times. “Well you won the lottery!!!”

Sophie grinned. “I guess I’m going for my model photoshoot then.”

Sophie took Hort’s car (yes there are cars in this universe DONT @ me) to the photoshoot. She saw someone with purple eyes walking next to the road and speed past him. He was covered in dirt as the car sped awayyyy. Sophie hates people with purple eyes. It’s actually her phobia.

Sophie arrived at the Flowerground beautify model salon photoshoot location. She handed her very fluffy and heavy white fur coat to the photography employee (ethical fur for PETA <3). 

She walked inside and was greeted by someone who took her into the photoshoot room. A really pale person was there too.

“Hi I’m Anadil I have no personality,” the pale witch said. 

“Good to know,” sophie replied. She would remember this information for the future. Anadil showed her around the place. There were many beautiful dresses — some even more pretty than that blue one Agatha wore at school! Blue isn’t even her color sophie thought angrily. Anadil also showed her the makeup chair. 

“I really using cupcake batter as moisturizer,” Anadil said in an emotionless way. “It really helps to make you look more pale.”

Sophie didn’t like looking pale. She preferred to look tan like Kim Kardashian of the woods beyond, but she supposed that she really had no other option.

So this is how sophie found herself covered in cupcake batter at 9 in the morning. IMMEDIATELY after sophie finished putting all of the cupcake better on her face, the door slammed open!!!

It was the photographer!

“Hi I’m the photographer.” The photographer said.

“Your name is photographer??” Sophie asked, tilting her head at an 85 degree angle (or 1.48353 radians) “THATS a really weird name,” sophie gasped! She said that out loud! That was not very princess like of her, but it’s ok because she’s allowed to not be a princess anymore.

Technically it’s fraudulent to say she’s a princess? Right? She definitely didn’t graduate with a degree in princess from School for Good and Evil.

“Haha no my name isn’t photographer” the photographer laughed manically, but with a sweet edge to it like a Clifftop that descends 20,000 feet to a beach. “My name is Rhian.”

Sweeeet Sophie thought. She had a love interest now. 

“Ok” Rhian smiles. “It’s time for the photoshoot.” Sophie took put all of the clothes on and posed for the photo. Rhian dropped out of SGE to pursue his dreams as a photographer and was not about to let this moment go to waste. He took thousands of photos. What the woods people didn’t know was that Rhian used photoshop to edit his images!!!! What a scam!!! He’s been getting away with it so far though, and Sophie doesn’t know he’s a scammer.

“Ok I have enough photos now,” Rhian chuckled with satisfaction. 

“Are you sure?” Sophie asked. “The magazine will want to put my photos everywhere I’m sure. They’re going to rename it the sophieground, I can feel it.”

Suddenly, Sophie’s finger started glowing. It was an incoming call!! Sophie told Rhian to wait a minute and held her magic finger to her ear like a business person taking an important call.

“Sup,” said Agatha. “You’re overdue on rent.”

Oh no! Sophie forgot that she owed Agatha rent money. (Sophie lives in a Camelot castle apartment because she hasn’t found a prince to marry yet obviously)

To be continue....


	2. Agatha The Landlord

“I need your rent money NOW, Sophie.” Agatha said. Sophie could feel Agatha’s brown eyes staring her down through the finger phone.

“Why???” Sophie said confusedly. “Rent isn’t due today?”

“Surprise surprise” Agatha smiled on her end of the telephone. “I need the money. Tedros insists on consuming all of the rings, and Camelot’s money system uses paper money and rings. We used to have coins or whatever, but the Camelot Council discovered that putting holes in the coins makes them cheaper,” Agatha sighed for a long time. “We’re running out of rings! He keeps trying to pass them to me in my mouth to buy stuff at the market but I said no because that’s gross.” Sophie agreed. That was pretty gross. 

“I know I hate you because you stole Tedros from me darling” sophie said “but we can be friends again. I’m over Tedros now because I don’t want to date someone who swallows rings.”

“He does have some redeeming factors.”

“Name one.”

“Uhhhhhhhhhh he can pull a sword from a stone.”

“That hasn’t even become canon yet!?! Is the crystal ball working again?”” Sophie wanted to use the crystal ball to find out about the newest makeup looks of the future.

Agatha sighed (like a teacher disappointed because all of her students used Quizlet to get the answers for a homework assignment). “Back to the topic at hand” 

“Ok” sophie said. She was going to help. She was going to be the first good witch out there! (Who’s Glinda? Never heard of her). “I’m going to make a ton of money off of my photoshoot that I’m doing right now!”

Rhian pipped in, “I’m taking photos of you as you speak to your finger! Very candid! Will work well!”

“Of course they will darling!” Sophie snapped! “I’m perfect from any angle.” Turning her attention back to Agatha, Sophie said “I can give you the money as soon as I receive my paycheck from the photoshoot. You’ll know when I have it because you will see photos of me all over the Flowerground... or should I say... the Sophieground.”

“Sophie you can’t go around making words up, only Lionsmane can do that!”

“Ugh fine whatever. Lionsmane doesn’t even exist in this timeline.” Sophie hung up the phone and found Rhian right in front of her face!

“We’re all done with the photoshoot now!” He exclaimed.

“But what about Anadil [redacted last name]? You haven’t taken any photos of her yet.”

“He he.” Rhian laughed a bit like Michael of Jacksonville (a village in SGE, not the city in Florida). “We don’t take pictures of her! She’s actually my personal assistant.”

“Yeah!” Anadil chimed in! “I do all of the background work for everyone. I’ve been a model,” Anadil began to count on her pale hands, “frog catcher, valet, you name it! I really just pop into existence whenever necessary!”

Sophie squinted at her. “For a person with no personality, you sure have a lot of jobs...”

Anadil grinned. “Yup! Please don’t look into them! And don’t tell the IRS (American tax revenue service) about them either!”

“Uhhhhhh okay then.” Sophie shrugged off all of the modeling clothing and dumped them on the floor. Anadil could put them back anyway since she loved extra jobs. As expected, Anadil began to clean up the clothing almost immediately. Sophie found it a bit off putting.

While she was putting everything away, Anadil began talking. “Hey, not to foreshadow or anything, but you should totally keep your eyes on the road on the way home.”

“What?” Sophie asked.

“I said to collect your things on the way out! The man at the front desk likes to pickpocket stuff.”

“Why do you let a pickpocket work here?” Sophie had many questions today, and Rhian felt left out at the moment, so he jumped into the conversation.

“Kei is a chill dude, ya know? He literally can never do anything wrong.” Rhian finished collecting all of his camera equipment, which consisted of a Nintendo 3DS, YouTube vlogging camera, and a microwave. “Well I’m done for the day. I’ll call you when everything is done and photosh— I mean printed on the flowerground.”

“Great!” Sophie bounced around the room. “I can’t wait to see my face everywhere!” As she was walking out, Sophie noticed that she had forgotten to get the recipe for the cupcake moisturizer!! Oh well, Sophie thought. She wasn’t going to need it anyway.

To be continued!!!! (Sophie needs to watch the road! What will happen?? Maybe nothing who knows)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tedros really needs to stop swallowing Camelot's currency. It could have a big impact on their economy...


	3. The Streetlamp’s Purple Eyes

Sophie put her fancy sunglasses on top of her eyes and perfectly curled eyelashes, and began to drive back to Camelot. For some reason it had become really foggy while she was getting her photos taken, so all she could see ahead of her were the purple light bulbs of the street lamps.

WAIT A SECOND! SOPHIE THOUGHT. Street lamps aren’t purple! They’re green, everyone knows that.

“Wait up!” The purple street lamp light bulbs cried out into the fog! “I’ve been chasing your car for billions and billions of picometers! I’d know, I’ve been counting!”

“I’m not stopping!” Sophie shouted into the fog. “I know that street lamps can’t talk. Stranger danger!”

“I’m not a street lamp!” The false street lamp cried out. “I’m a person! Name’s Aric.”

“Oh well since you’re a person, I guess it’s fine to stop.” Sophie stopped her car, and Aric caught up to it. Normal guys would have been majorly out of breath by now, but Aric had so many abs that he was fine. He looked like he had just taken a stroll through Disneyland and found out that there were no wait times!

“I need your help,” Aric said.

“Well of course you need my help! Everyone does to be honest. Although at least you don’t need help with your beauty. Your veins are popping!”

“Thanks,” Aric said proudly. “I inherited them from my father. He gave the veins to me in his will! I can’t believe I lived for so long without them.” Sophie could believe it. Aric was so pale he looked like a Twilight vampire. Wait, wrong book series.

“What doth thou wish of me?” Sophie asked.

“I need you to retrieve my friend’s ring. He’s quite forgetful and lost it somewhere!! We were on a vacation in Camelot, so it must be somewhere there. Could you help?” Aric gave Sophie puppy dog eyes with that puppy dog filter look from the SnapChat.

“Of course,” Sophie reasoned. “Tedros is known for hoarding rings... There are quite a lot of them in Camelot. Your story makes perfect sense. I do not need to ask you any follow-up questions.”

“Sweeeet.” Aric attempted to get into Sophie’s car (did I mention it was hot pink? You probably already knew that), but Sophie stopped him.

“The woods aren’t big enough for two people on a quest. Trust me, I’d know. I’m going on this mission solo!!!”

Aric pouted, but he understood. “Lone man-wolf” tactics were useful at times. Aric looked at Sophie once more and sprinted off into the distance, almost reaching Mach 2!!!! He was a speedy boy. He was also glad that his plan had been set into motion! (Anadil was right! She’s actually relevant to the plot in this story!) Aric couldn’t wait until Japeth could hear the good news. The two were finally going to put their plan into action: take down Camelot’s economy!

The ring was only step one... it’s practically a McGuffin here... English students... you know what that means... the ring barely matters in this story! Yay! Plot device!

Sophie sped off back to Camelot. Haha, she thought! Anadil was totally right. If Sophie hadn’t been looking at the road, she totally would have missed the fake purple street lamp eyes! To be fair, she thought again, it was pretty cool that his eyes glowed in the dark. It was a trend all the rage in Bloodbrook. All you had to do was eat a few Tidepods or something? Pretty nifty idea.

[Author’s note: please do not consume tide pods. Any reference to tide pod consumption in this fic is purely satirical.]

Sophie had a few things to take care of now! 

1\. Pay rent!  
2\. Find Aric’s ring!  
3\. Look at her posters in the Flowerground!

To be continue....


End file.
